As has been customary, the priest or official performing your wedding ceremony will ask the traditional question: “who gives this woman away?” Your answer to that inquiry is an important family detail. While the nuclear family model may not be quite as intact as it once was, many women still uphold the small tradition of having their father give them away.
Traditionally speaking, the potential groom seeks the potential bride’s father’s permission to marry his daughter. Assuming the father agrees to the marriage, he will “give his daughter away” to the groom, symbolically and literally declaring his acceptance of the marriage to relatives and to whatever higher power governs the ceremony. The belief behind this tradition is that the father, who has cared for and loved his daughter, is handing over the reigns to his prized possession to another person, the groom, who will promise to take care of her.
However, often times, the father is no longer in the picture whether voluntarily, through a strained relationship or because the bride’s father has passed away. If that is the case, who does the groom go to for permission and who will give her away?
Well, not to worry. Things have changed. Many couples no longer go the permission seeking route as many have cohabited together for some time before marriage. By this time, begrudgingly or acceptingly, the couples’ families have accepted the pre-marital partner. The ceremony is largely formality. When these couples get engaged, they are announcing the engagement without the thought of parental acceptance.
But, it is always important to keep traditions in your family alive. Some traditions require the patriarch of the family to give their blessing – this could be a grandfather, father, or even an uncle. This tradition seeks the blessing of the “main” family member. While other family’s or traditions only allow for the biological father to give the bride away, assuming he is able to do so.
Then, you sometimes have religion to factor in. Some religions prefer the bride to walk alone because giving the bride away is something that can only be performed by God, and God alone. A little research into the familial or church traditions can aid the planning.
If you have no traditions you wish to follow, you can always go your own route. You can even add a new tradition such as passing your tungsten wedding bands down to the bride and groom to wear. If you want someone to give the bride away, you can have those in her family (multiple people are acceptable) who were integral parts of the bride’s life do the honors. If the bride comes from a very close-knit family, perhaps she would want to have the entire family give her away. If that’s the case, instead of just the father answering that he gives his daughter away, the entire family can respond.
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