How to meet the new mother in your life
There is a great deal of women who absolutely adore their mother in law. They talk about being welcomed into the family even before the wedding. Some mothers give their sons heirloom engagement rings passed down from generations. However, not all mother and daughter in law relationships are perfect. There is a great deal of women who were asked about their relationship with their mother / daughter in law and their response is best described as “I wish it could be better”.
The fact is, your mother in law is only human. There is an earth shattering change in the relationship between her and her son. You are now taking the role which was long held by her. This transfer may seem pleasant on the surface, however; may be filled with tension or full blown discontent.
• Let’s walk a mile in her shoes
When your fiancé was growing up, his mother was the primary woman in his life who took care of him. Eventually he became a man and needed less care from his mother. He could take care of himself. Once he gets married, another woman will be part of his life. When you think about this type of demotion, it is not surprising that there may issues even from the most pleasant mothers.
• Bridging the gap
First, lose the labels. Don’t see your mother in law as a needy or bossy woman. You must change your perception and see her as a person and work with her. It does not mean you must maintain a regular schedule with her, however; try to spend some time with her independently. Search for a common interest and discuss what you enjoy about it. If you both enjoy crafting, set some time aside and create a project together. When you try to build that positive foundation early, it will help you down the road.
The best time to start is before the wedding. Often, they just want to feel like they are a part of the wedding as opposed to just another guest. Invitations such as wedding dress shopping with your mother and the bridesmaids may have a big impact on your relationship. Sometimes just letting her know what is happening in the wedding planning makes her feel like she is part of the process.
• Setting boundaries
When your mother in law continues to intrude on your life, you may need to enlist the help of your fiancé. When you show a united agreement on where her boundaries are and where she fits into your new family, she may be more receptive. Be prepared for a talk and help your fiancé understand your pain. His first response may be to defend his mother’s actions without fully understanding the issue.
• Always take the high road
If things do begin a little rocky, be patient. You have time to make the relationship with your mother in law work. Always remember, you and your mother in law have something in common. You both love your fiancé. Bear in mind, if you choose to have children, you may find yourself in her shoes.